Jan 30, 2010
Jan 29, 2010
I'm surprised that it actually still fits me. It's a size 4.5. Yeah, I have the tiniest little bird like fingers. They're a bit bone-y for my taste but what can you do, right?
Speaking of rings, I saw this today and loved it.
Jan 27, 2010
This is his new thing. He used to meow at the door to be let in.
Now he does this little trick. What a silly boy!
PS- Nothing happens for about the first 20 seconds so just keep watching.
See the little cat bowl just below the window? Henry started this trick when he saw Mauney sitting there eating her dinner.
He wanted to get in and get at her so bad that he started furiously pawing at the window as fast as his little tootsies would go. It was hilarious! I wish I had a video of that one.
Jan 26, 2010
Thank you, Pooba! I accept!
Here's the rules:
1. To accept the award, post it on your blog together with the name and blog link of the person who has granted you the award.
2. Pass the award to 10 other blogs that you have recently discovered and think are great! Remember to contact the blogger and let them know they have been chosen for this award.
Hmm...recently discovered blogs that I think are great?
Here's my picks:
A Girl's World
Haven And Home
Peonies and Polaroids
Yea, I know it's not 10. Sue me. :p
I think I've rocked out to it at least a hundred times already and almost blown the speakers out in my car.
I'm pretty sure I'll play it at least a hundred times more before I go to bed tonight.
If the boys weren't around, I'd shut the blinds and dance myself silly!
Jan 25, 2010
Lately I've been dwelling on age and time quite a bit. My birthday is coming up in a couple of months and as I struggled to remember just how old I was going to be, it hit me.
28!! No wait..... 29!!
And then I had a mild freak out and a brief stint of depression.
Oh lord. I'm going to be 29. That's one year away from 30, people. Do you know what that means?
Well, neither do I. It certainly doesn't mean what I thought it was going to mean 5 years ago.
As I contemplated my 29th year, I thought about the little timeline I had put together for myself just after getting married years ago. It went a little something like this:
Age 23- got married, opened my one room dance studio with 13 students
Age 24- Studio had grown to 75 students and we moved from a small one room studio to a 3500 sq ft studio with 2 dance rooms, office, and lobby. I had put together a competitive team of 25 dancers and they had already received 2 best of show awards for the year.
At age 25 I was on top of the world from the quick growth of the studio. I believed all my dreams were coming true as I was offered the head coaching position for the BLHS competitive dance team.
Things weren't too great on the home front, but I kept an optimistic outlook and figured that once we were both established in our careers, things would come around. Besides, we had always fought. Me, never having a mother/father relationship to pattern my own relationships after, took his word that this amount of arguing was 'normal.'
I figured that by age 27, we would be having our first child, my squad would have won their first opportunity to participate in the State competition, my studio would have grown to 200 students and my husband would finally be holding down a decent job with benefits.
I also figured that by age 30, I would be an established business owner and successful coach with a little family to raise.
However, things don't usually go quite as planned, do they? They sure didn't for me.
After 3 years of running the studio and one year of coaching, life at home had become unbearable. My husband was making life miserable for me. He picked at everything I did- the way I did the laundry, the way I loaded the dishwasher, how I fed the dog, how I mowed the lawn. You name it- I did it wrong by his standards. I felt like a complete failure as a wife. Nothing I ever did satisfied him or made him happy. I spent most of my days walking on egg shells just waiting for the next bomb to drop.
On top of that, he constantly made jabs at my love of dance. He called it an "expensive hobby" and a "waste of time." He laughed when I explained that I was giving my students the gift of discipline and confidence, not just dance. I cried because I truly loved teaching and I loved my students. He later admitted that he couldn't control his jealousy of my success as a studio owner and coach. He said he "couldn't handle a wife that was more successful than him."
I blamed myself thinking that if I wasn't teaching so much, then things would be better at home. I reasoned that closing my studio would be upsetting to me, but the stress at home had transferred into stress at the studio and I feared that eventually I would end up hating dance rather than loving it.
For as long as I could remember I had dreamed of teaching in my own studio and had finally made that happen for me. My husband had been supportive while we dated but that all changed after we got married. I told myself that giving up my dream was necessary. After all, I had made a commitment when I took my vows. A commitment to my marriage that I didn't take lightly and marriage meant that sometimes you had to make sacrifices, right?
I also convinced myself that my marriage would heal if I was at home every night with dinner waiting and the house clean. My evenings would be spent giving my undivided attention to my husband and whatever he needed, rather than fussing over costume orders or taking calls from concerned parents.
So I reasoned with my husband. I tried to make a deal. I told him that I would close the studio and never look back after that year, if he would allow me to coach just one more year at the high school. I needed that time. I couldn't just walk away cold turkey. It would have been too heart wrenching.
However, he held fast to his position of all or nothing. He had plans for us and they didn't involve my little dance fantasy. For the first time in our relationship, I stood up to him and demanded that I be given just one more year before he took it all away. He agreed and that May I said my teary goodbyes to my students. In a way, I was relieved thinking that the pressure would be off, the stress would go away, and maybe my husband would be happy with me now. But little 5 yrs olds clinging to "Teacher Kim's" legs broke my heart.
A few months later I discovered by accident that he had put our house up for sale without telling me. I confronted him and he said he planned to move us to SLC to be closer to work. If I wanted to make the 45 minute commute every morning at 4am to coach, then that was my business. I saw the smirk on his face when he knew he had beat me. I surrendered to the realization that coaching one more year would not be in the cards. At least I'd had the chance to do it for a little while.
But then, I discovered that children were not in his master plan either. They would cost money and just get in the way. He admitted that he had plans to get a vasectomy, whether I liked it or not.
If you can imagine the emotions that flooded through me at that moment. Our relationship had been tense the past couple of years, but at that moment a flood of anger rushed through me and shattered my commitment to him. It struck me like lightning that he would be cruel and selfish enough to deny me the chances of being a mother and having a family. All his promises while we were dating were lies.
I realized that while I had made a commitment at marriage, so had he. And he sure as hell wasn't living up to what we had talked about before we got married. I realized that life required adjustments to be made as a couple went along, but this was just not right.
I never expected to be divorced at age 27, but here I am.
I had the opportunity to continue coaching, but the emotional strain and physical stress of the last few years had taken their toll on me. I was burned out and worn down. While I loved dance, it was a painful reminder of everything that had gone wrong.
I understood that it was time to walk away. I needed time for me. I wanted to finish school and there were good things on the horizon that I wanted to focus on. I was happy to know, that I could walk away on my own terms, and not because someone forced me to.
But I digress.
There have been things this year (my amazing best friend getting married, my lovely sister having a baby, and Andy starting grad school to name a few) that have made me feel like I'm so far behind in life.
I occasionally have mini freak outs about 30 being around the corner. I occasionally get little 'baby hungry' twinges. And I occasionally wish for Andy and I to be married, because although things are wonderful right now, there is just something so special about being married. And something even more special about being married to the right person.
But marriage, babies, and career will come when they come. Right now I'm happy and I have faith that Andy and I will know together when the time is right for everything. And that's pretty much all that matters, right?
Jan 22, 2010
I need a vacation.
To somewhere fanciful.
Somewhere with cool places to discover and explore.
Somewhere with color!!
I have a serious case of the winter blues. But until I get my sunny vacation, I'll just have to make the best of it.
Enjoy your weekend, luvers!
Jan 21, 2010
I sure do wish I could take Mauney's place on the couch instead.
Doesn't she look so comfy? Not fair.
Jan 20, 2010
Warms me right up and gets me ready for a day of classes, homework, and work.
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9
Jan 19, 2010
This is Mauney:
We love both our babies very much and we've learned how to handle their very opposite personalities.
However, they haven't learned how to handle each other.
Henry tries to get Mauney to play with him. Mauney likes to play alone.
Sometimes they brawl. Usually in the middle of the night and it conveniently wakes the whole house up.
They brawled the other night.
Mauney's tail ended up puffed out about three times its normal size.
Henry ended up with the tip of Mauney's claw stuck in his face.
But will he ever learn? Nope. He'll be back at it again tomorrow, I'm sure.
Jan 18, 2010
My storage unit. It's like a black hole. Things went in on that one day and haven't been seen since.
Andy's been telling me to move everything into
But there was just one thing. It was his house, and I already felt like I was taking over his personal space as it was. I didn't want to overdo it.
That, and I was just plain scared. I'll be honest. Moving in with Andy was a gi-normous step for me and a decision that I didn't take lightly. I was torn because Andy and I wanted to be together every possible second and we literally spent every possible second at each others houses. It was logical for us to make this move.
But giving up MY storage unit and moving EVERYTHING- my entire life- into his house was frightening. It felt a little like I was giving up that independence that I had fought so hard and so long to get back.
But Andy had said to me. I asked you to move in with me.
In the past relationship it had always been 'this is mine, not yours or ours.' But Andy has made it clear that our relationship means 'ours.'
Our life together, our things, etc. It's so refreshing, because all I ever wanted was a partnership and a friendship, not a business deal.
Now that's a huge step- admitting that I love someone (and that I understand exactly what that means now,) admitting that I want to share the rest of my life with that someone, admitting that sharing my life with someone does not mean losing yourself in that person and not being afraid anymore.
So the goal is to have everything moved out of storage and neatly organized into our home by the end of the month.
Jan 15, 2010
As a history major, I am often reminded of what a blessed life I live. Studying the disasters and tragic events that the world has experienced is a constant reminder that I have a pretty sweet deal.
I've been feeling a twinge of guilt that I am able to go about my day in peace while so many people are suffering.
And here's what they look like on our wall!
Jan 13, 2010
I love sharing things that happen to me and things that I like but I have the desire for my blog to much more of an outlet than just those things. I want to be able to express what's in my mind. Because, quite frankly, it's going a mile a minute most days.
I'm not sure what's stopping me. I think it's the fear of being misread or misinterpretted and also the fear of being judged. I keep trying to push myself to a point where I truly only care about what I think of myself and not what others think of me. But there are so many people who always see things in a negative light or maybe not negative, but not the way I intended.
I want to once again have the courage to write about my dreams, my fears, my questions. But I keep thinking about how some people think it's not right to spill yourself out to people you know, much less a world of blogging strangers. So then I question myself.
I hope to have the courage to share more of what's in my head here. I guess I'll start with something I recorded in my journal. I call it jibberish writing. I do it every once in awhile. It's when I don't have the energy or patience to write what's actually happening to me at the time.
I guess it's sort of metaphoric. I don't know- it's just jibberish. It comes from somewhere. It was provoked by something. It's not poetry, it's not fiction, it's just words.
So here's some jibberish writing from my journal. Take it for what you will and please be kind. ;)
"He sees the sliver. The sliver of light. He waits. It grows. and grows. and grows. faster. faster. It envelopes. The heart races, the eyes know. There is no doubt. It's just there. There is a purpose, but not to be discovered just now. It will come. When it's right. He believes in this. This is good. This is different. That's how he knows it's good. The light receeds. But he knows how to bring it back. He has faith. The light is good. The light is weak. His faith makes it grow."
One night I was outside while the sun set- at one point the rays of light seemed to surround me, to penetrate me until I felt lit up from the inside. It was only for a fraction of a second and then it was gone. I wrote this with the idea that I was the sliver of light. He, of course, is Andy.
So that's my attempt at sharing myself. I'm sure I'll get more confidant with it but for now, it is what it is.
Jan 12, 2010
When I was little my mother gave me the game of Clue for my birthday or Christmas (i forget) and I was constantly trying to bribe my sisters into playing it with me. I always had to be Mr. Green so I could be the green playing piece, of course.
I had a very vivid imagination. I was also extremely gullible.
As I got a little older, I realized that detective work was actually just a lot of paperwork and that detectives did very little running down dark alleys or talking on shoe phones. I was pretty disappointed and decided that I would much rather be a veterinarian- but only of cats, dogs and horses- nothing else.
But I'll have to tell you about that another time. My perception of what veterinarians did was a bit distorted as well.
Jan 11, 2010
I'm pretty sure I was in denial last week and refused to admit that school had started up again. I was still in chill mode from the last blissful week of December that Andy and I spent doing absolutely nothing.
Last week I spent what little free time I had browsing Etsy, Flikr, ShopStyle, and all the many blogs I like to follow. Andy and I found some great prints for our living room (I'll be sharing them with you soon!) and now the decorating bug has bitten me hard and I've been on the hunt for more art for our walls like the above photo.
Jan 7, 2010
This does not go on my "WANT list."
This does not go on my "NEED list."
This goes on my "I MUST HAVE NOW/I NEED MORE THAN ANYTHING list."
What I can't get enough of these days:
Phoenix- these guys have their guitar picks on my heart strings for eternity. I luff them! I had the hardest time choosing which song to share with you because they're all sooo good!! So here's two of my top pics, although I really love Lasso and of course Lisztomania.
*sigh* soo good!! I could listen to them all day long, every day! Well, I practically already do.
And I have to include Chasing Pirates by Norah Jones. Of course embedding is disabled on, like, every single copy of the music video. So please click HERE and go check it out for yourself. For now:
But seriously, go watch the VIDEO. It's fantastic and Miss Jones is looking flawless. "And I try not to dream but them possible schemes, swim around, wanna drown me in synch." Wonderful!
Okay, two more and then I'll let you be on your way. Snow Patrol with Martha Wainwright=GENIUS!!! Just sayin.
Her voice, the combination! It just gives me chills!
Last, but certainly not least is Lisa Mitchell. Yeah, I know I've posted about her before but I can't resist adding her. I love all of her stuff. She doesn't know, but she's my music BFF.
Isn't she fantastic!? I don't often wish to be someone else but I don't think I'd object if I woke up one day with her voice and talent.
So thanks, PCL for taking me back through my playlist and totally making my day!
Jan 6, 2010
Him: your socks have holes
Me: I know
Him: you got attacked by wild badgers again?
TP, you're killin me!
Me: I had a major issue last night.
Him: Oh yeah?
Me: I got up in the night to go to the bathroom. Only I couldn't find the end of the toilet paper role. I made a full rotation of the entire role like five times and still no end.
Him: It's because you put the role on backwards
Me: Yes, I know that! (clearly annoyed)
Me: It was dark, and freezing cold and I was tired and I just wanted to go back to bed, but I had to sit there for like 20 minutes searching for a place to tear the toilet paper.
Him: Just turn on the light
Me: *exasperated sigh*
(what did the man expect me to do? get up off the toilet-pre wipe-and drip my way over to the light switch? seriously. men do not get it.)
Update on Project Happy Again in 2010:
Day One: Sunday
- started a notebook to keep track of my progress
- made a list of improvements I'd like to make within myself
- made a list of ways that I could accomplish this
- my happy thought for the day was my baby dog, Ashland who kept her chin on my knee the entire time I wrote.
Day Two: Monday
- revamped my blog and centered more toward my theme for 2010
- chatted with Miss H about things we can do to motivate each other (she's working towards some of the same goals that I am)
- classes went smoothly and I didn't feel the urge to trip any prissy freshman girls
- took Ashland on an afternoon walk around the block and got some exercise
- passed my work evaluation with flying colors! (i was a little stressed over that one but I channelled positive energy before meeting with my supervisor and everything came out great)
- paid off my last bit of debt (not including student loans which is the last thing I have to tackle) and deposited a chunk into my savings! yay!
- forgot that it was my day to go to the gym- oops
So far, so good! It's day 3 and I feel light as air!
My goals for today include:
1. Catch up on homework
2. Finish cleaning the basement and get an office area set up for myself
4. Put together a nice dinner for tonight
That's all folks!! Have a wonderful and HAPPY day!
PS- Please go check out the beautiful new additions to the Noun shop!
I wish I could go back and ask Santa for this little ditty:
Jan 5, 2010
Recently, I've been spending some time on the Personal Excellence Blog as I strive for my own personal happiness/excellence.
Not long ago, three keys questions were posed in reference to 2009 that I thought were worth reflecting on.
1. What are your major achievements and notable events this past year?
- Planted a garden
-Realized I was in love and stopped myself from running away from it
-Moved in and started a new life with Andy
-Remodelled our kitchen
-Traveled to Washington for Habitat for Humanity
-Maid of Honor at my sisters wedding
-Learned to make salmon with dill sauce
-Discovered my desire to get a Master's degree in library science or archiving
-Welcomed my sister home from her mission
-Had some fun in the sun in Oahu, Hawaii
-Completed two semesters of my undergrad with decent grades
-Eliminated negative friendships that were dragging me down
-Read several books on my 'to read' list
2. What have you learned for yourself this year?
-That I'm more capable than I give myself credit for
-That I am strong, confident, beautiful and creative in my own subtle way
-To suround myself with people who do not belittle my beliefs or goals and who encourage me to be the best 'me' possible
-That I need to laugh louder and smile longer
-That I've met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with and I don't need to be afraid of that, I can be excited
-That I can let go of the animosity I felt for my ex husband and see him as just another person, rather than someone who destroyed my life
3. What are your key goals for 2010 to make it a huge blast?
-Take control of my emotions and do not let them consume me in a negative way
-Stand up for myself and what I believe in or do not believe in
-Complete two more semesters of my undergrad
-Intern this summer for a museum, library, or historical site
-Continue to build my relationship with Andy and grow closer physically, mentally and emotionally
-Focus on enjoy my life just as it is while planning and looking forward to the future
-Travel to some place I've never been
-Let loose, don't feel stupid to laugh or be silly, relax
-Stay within my budget
-'Date' Andy-as in continue to go out on 'real' dates
There's so much more I could include on these lists but I'll keep it short for now. What were your greatest moments or greatest inner discoveries this year?
Jan 4, 2010
So I have this friend, Heather, who is super totally awesomeness. She recently introduced me to this nifty little site called Gardenguides. You can check out my profile and if you join the site, please add me as your friend!
Garden Guides allows you to create your own profile and then share gardening tips and ideas with other members through the forums. The site also provides helpful articles on garden design, pests and diseases, organic gardening and plant varieties.
It's really awesome and if you're in to garden, so much fun!
Last season was my first real experience with a garden. We planted a tree, and flowers, and veggies!! Some things worked and some didn't and I can't wait to try new things this season. The boyfriend and I had a lot of fun cooking with all the stuff from our little garden.
This season we plan on laying out a larger piece of the yard for planting, and I'm hoping to get some new varieties of flowers for the yard. We'd also like to try our hand at herbs as well.
Why is it only January!? Sad face! I want the cold to go away. I wish I lived somewhere where the growing season was longer, because I'm not experienced enough or ambitious enough to do the whole mini greenhouse or growing indoors thing.
So if you love growing stuff or want to develop your own green thumb, then check out gardenguides.com and join in!
Jan 3, 2010
I like... all things photography. I know nothing about photography but I hope to learn this year with Andy. I spend so much time enjoying all the pretty pictures you all post that I think it's time for me to learn how to create my own pretty pictures!
I don't like... walking around campus in the freezing cold. I'm so excited to be back in classes but it sure is miserable moving from class to class in chilly weather.
I want you to know... that I'm learning to live in the moment. I spend 90% of my time thinking about my future. It's great to think about the future, to make plans, to hope and dream, and to be prepared, but sometimes I let it consume me so much that I forget to love what is going on in my life right now. So this year I'll be working on finding a balance between loving today and looking forward to tomorrow.
I've planned... to stick to my personal goals which include staying within my budget and saving more, maintaining a healthy mind and body, and traveling.
I want to say to someone special... thank you for not giving up on me and for loving me just as I am, flaws and all. You are everything to me. everything. everything.
Want in on this monthly game? Find out more info from the Toothfairy!
Jan 1, 2010
"Something Special" by Colbie Caillat written for the Beijing Olympics
I've dreamed of,
and I know it's in me
that I will become
who I want to be
Cause it's gonna be, something special to me
Something special to me
and I grow stronger
It takes time, but I'll never let go
Days go by and I'll try harder to make it mine
Something special to me
so many things
I've dreamed of
Andy and I celebrated by going out for sushi, soaking in the hot tub and watching a movie. It was a nice night
So, the last few years have been rough to say the least. I found myself starting over in every aspect of my life. Although that was beyond scarey, it was a good thing.
2009 brought me great things and much happiness. The year was focused on continuing to grow into a better version of myself and to eliminate all the negativity in my life.
This year, that focus will continue. At the same time, I'll be working on finding peace with my life, just as it is, at the moment.
So 2010, I'm so happy you're here and although I'm looking forward to the years beyond, I am grateful to be right here.
Here's to you and yours. May your year be filled with joy and happiness.
(Remember, happiness is always your choice.)