Jul 29, 2009

I'm Going Crazy....

It's 8:32 am and I'm counting the minutes until I have to be to work at noon. Lately I have been really dreading my days. I have so much free time, that I just don't know what to do with myself. It's driving me insane.

I've never been the type of person to not have a busy schedule. Growing up, it was morning dance rehearsal, school all day, then piano/sewing/dance/gymnastics lessons after school, then homework, then dinner, then bedtime. Not to say that I never had time to play, but it was very rare that I would just be sitting around watching TV or something.

The busy schedule continued as I got older, opened my dance studio, started coaching, and was going to school. But now? Oh man!! I'm dying to be busy again. I know I don't want to be as busy as I have been in the past, but I really can't stand having so many free hours in the day. It makes me feel so lazy! Like I'm not doing anything to contribute to society or to contribute to my future. I'm not accomplishing anything and that really bugs me.

I mean, right now, I have absolutely no responsibilities other than to go to my one class and go to my few hours of work each week. I can usually busy myself with laundry or fixing dinner or something like that, but those things only take so long. I think being busy all these years has cursed me, because I have this insane ability to get things done really really fast and multi-task like there's no tomorrow. But now I'm trying to drag chores out so they take up more of my day and it's not working!

I seriously can't wait for fall semester to start. I know it sounds ridiculous to be excited for three jobs and a full class schedule but I can't wait. I am totally looking forward to figuring out how I'm going to fit it all in and make it work. It's like a challenge for me and lately I haven't felt challenged at all. Yes, I'm a crazy person for wanting to be busy and not wanting to have lazy days anymore.

The real trick and the most important thing, will be finding a balance between my busy school/work schedule, homework time, and time spent with Andy. Right now, I'm so bored all day that I end up following Andy around like a little puppy dog when he gets home from work. That doesn't give him much time to himself, so I honestly think that if I can find a good balance then it will be good for us to have more time to do our own things. Then we'll appreciate the time we do get to spend together much more.

In the meantime, I have to get through the next three to four weeks before I get busy again. Ugh! I don't know if I can stand this much longer.


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