Aug 25, 2010

wierd spot

I feel wierd tonight. Like a wierd emotion that I'm not sure has a name. It's like a mix of nostalgia, relief, happiness and sadness. You know when things change and you realize your life will never, ever be the same? Then you get that wierd feeling in your chest, because this is good, really good- and the bad thing is gone gone gone. But at the same time, the bad thing wasn't all bad, so it makes you feel a little bit sentimental.

I know I'm being vague right now. I'm sorry. I won't be revealing what I'm talking about because it's oh-so-very-personal. But I feel so eery-strange right now that I really needed to write something down. I don't even know what to write. Just that I kinda feel like crying in both a sad and happy sort of way. I just feel that I need to have one of those cries that doesn't really mean something in particular- it's just a damn good cry. You know the ones?

I have such an abstruse realization of my existence being blessed beyond my total comprehension at this point, that I'm not sure how to react to it. Gratitude can be my only reaction. Humble gratitude.

Can you understand what it is to see the bigger picture and then to remember back to when you couldn't see anything at all? It's the most amazing thing in the world. It's like this incredibly brilliant light has been lit just for you.

I think I'll just close my door and stand in the middle of my beautifully bright room, quietly taking it all in. That's ok to do sometimes, right?




It's perfectly okay to do. In fact, it's encouraged now and again.

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