untitled (because it's 5 am and I can't think of an appropriate title for how I feel now)

Is a wedding cause for celebration or not? Am I just being stupid getting giddy over wedding colors and bridal gowns and centerpieces?

Why does it feel like I'm the only person who thinks that getting married is a big deal? I mean, it is one of the most important decisions a person can make in their lifetime. Does that not make it significant and worthy of a celebration?

But maybe it's not all that important or significant after all. Maybe it's just another thing that you do in life, like getting car insurance or having your teeth cleaned. Certainly getting married isn't worth any fuss. At least that's what some people think. I think that point of view is kind of pathetic.

Because I, however, tend to feel that getting married is a pretty damn big deal. You've chosen that one person, the person you want to create the rest of your life with...and now you're going to pledge that commitment to them and make it official. Is that not worthy of a little time and attention......and yes, a little extra cost?

But maybe I am just being stupid and sentimental. Maybe no one really does give a crap about a wedding but me.

Does anyone really care to celebrate our choice to get married? Maybe not. Maybe people from out of town wouldn't think it was really worth the trip and maybe people from in town would only be there because they felt obligated to be there....not because they really cared.

And wedding colors and bridal gowns and centerpieces really are just a big fat waste of time and money and effort.....and I really am just being a stupid sentimental girl for wanting all of that.

That kind of makes me sad. Maybe a wedding just means more to me because I never thought I could go down that road again. I kind of think that it's significant and worth having a celebration for the fact that I actually found someone that I'm willing to let all of my walls crumble for.

I mean, I trust this person. Like, actually trust! I mean, I really, truly, trust this person with the rest of my life. For me...that is an amazing feat and definitely worth a little fuss and attention when we make that commitment official.

Is it silly that I think it's worth making a big deal over the fact that this person means so much to me and that I love this person more than I ever really understood that I was capable of?

Is it silly that I want to share that with my friends and family and put flowers on tables and wear a dress that makes me feel like a million bucks and maybe even get my nails done!?

I don't know. I don't think it's silly at all. Or a waste of time, money, or effort. I don't want to feel like I'm just being a stupid girl flipping through bridal magazines. I want to feel like my excitement and desire to plan something special is justified.

I don't intend on having a $10,000 wedding. But I do intend on commemorating this occasion with more than just a signature on a piece of paper. I don't think that's too much to ask, do you?

xoxo-Kimberly