The Cycle

You guys know how it goes for me.

Feel like a lazy slug
Take on a crap load of extra responsibility's
Work my brains out
Stress out and break down
Start simplifying
Enjoy my simplified schedule
Start feeling guilty and lazy again

And it goes on and on.

Right now I'm in the simplifying stage. By the end of July I will no longer be working one of the three jobs I currently hold.

This makes me very, very happy.

But it also worries me. I know that feeling guilty stage will come. I'll start worrying that I'm not contributing enough to the household, that I'm not saving enough/anything, that I'm not paying off school loans fast enough, that I don't have enough saved for the wedding dress I want, etc.

I really don't want to go around this cycle again. As my mom said- "It's ok for school to be your focus right now."

I kind of know she's right. But I still feel guilty. Andy works full time and does an online masters program. I should be pulling my own weight too.

Come this fall I'll be working 15 hours in the lab and 20 hours in the archives for a total of 35 hours a week, plus full time classes. Why does that never seem like enough? Why do I feel like I have to put in more hours? Why am I always plagued with guilt about being lazy?

This time, I'm going to try hard to resist the urge to get to the point where I've over scheduled myself again. It's really not worth it and it's just plain stupid. I'd rather this 'cycle' just went away and I had a nice consistent, manageable life year round, you know?

Sigh...

xoxo-Kimberly