Why can't I just have my cake and eat it too?

I finally finally -after a four month long application process- have my position at the post office back. There are positives and negatives to this. I know that it's going to make me insanely more busy than I am right now but where else can I go and make $14 an hour just sitting on my butt typing? And this added income is so important to me.

Andy has told me that I don't need to take this job but I just can't not contribute financially. I'd feel like a total mooch and I can't deal with that. With grad school and our future to plan for right around the corner I feel the pressure to build up a substantial savings account.

Aside from desperately wanting to save some money for us, I'm a girl, and it's common knowledge that girl's like to shop, and in fact, need to shop for more things than guys.

I'm always finding little crafty things or decor for the house or clothes or jewelry or a new shade of lipstick that I'd like to buy. I'm not an obsessive shopper or anything like that, but when I see something that I think I might want, I want to feel like I can buy it with my own money and not use someone else's hard earned money to pay for those little frivolous things.

So back to the job, I'd like to save some money for a new car as well, because I think mine is nearing the end of its days. I'd also like a new pair of glasses and let's not get started on the many things I want to plant in the yard next year. I'd also like to finally get a bicycle next year. Not to mention I haven't had a new book in ages and it's literally killing me! Plus, I have absolutely no shoes suitable for walking around campus in winter and I really need some warm clothes like a sweater or two.

Currently the lab and the library brings in a measly $350 a month. After I pay my car insurance, my T-Mobile bill, my storage unit bill, make my credit card payment and buy us groceries for the month, my income is gone and I have nothing left for savings or these other things I want and need.

So I feel torn about the job. I know it's important to me, but so is time with Andy and time to myself and time for school work. I'd like to test out my time management skills for a few months and see if I can make this work for awhile.

Over the last few years I've had to watch family members struggle financially and it's very hard to see. I never want to feel financially insecure like that. It really scares me. There have been times when I've needed to ask people close to me for financial help and I don't like that feeling.

Aside from wanting to feel like I can take care of myself if I ever went through what my mom went through, I also want to feel like I am a contributing member of the family and not just a mooch, like I said before.

As you can tell, I've had money on the brain quite a bit lately. I am hoping that everything will work out okay because I tend to always manage to take on more than what's really healthy for me. I can always handle it and juggle everything but it does take a toll on me and that's not what I want. I know there are always sacrifices to make but you have to really weigh the costs and that's what I'll be doing this next couple of months.